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Relationship Communication Skills, Speaking the Unspeakable

Updated: May 17

Are you struggling to communicate your sexual needs, desires and boundaries? You are not alone. It's important to examine and understand your own superpowers, shadows of arousal and desire. As well as to learn how to express your needs, desires and boundaries clearly and effectively. Below you will find 5 tips for having uncomfortable conversations with anyone.

It's not uncommon to feel hesitant or even scared about having a difficult conversation with someone. Especially when you haven't found words to explain what is present with you. Maybe you need to confront a friend about a behavior that's been bothering you, or perhaps you need to have a serious discussion with a family member about a sensitive topic... or perhaps you want to talk about your relationship and sex life with a partner. Whatever the situation may be, the fear of how the other person will respond can be overwhelming.

So why have difficult conversations??

Engaging in difficult conversations can help us grow and learn from others. When we have honest conversations, we're forced to confront our own shadows, desires, boundaries, biases and assumptions.

We have an opportunity take personal responsibility for ourselves and allow others to do the same, speaking into what is truly present with us so that we can get what we want, need and return to love sooner than later

.We can learn from the perspectives and experiences of others, which can help us become more confident, secure, compassionate and understanding individuals.

Difficult conversations also help build trust and respect. When we're willing to be vulnerable and share our thoughts and feelings, we show others that we value their opinions and that we're committed to building a strong relationship. This can lead to deeper connections and improved communication.

Here are 5 tips to get you start the conversation

1.First begin by making sure the other person has the time, energy and capacity to have the conversation with you. Ask for consent to have the conversation. Get consent

"I really {love you/respect you/desire you} or {appreciate our time together}, and want to {talk with you about/explore with you), how we/I can {expand our love/pleasure/money} or {resolve the issue/come back to love/find a solution} is this a good time? when would be a good time? would xyz be a good time?

2. Lead with love, vulnerability, courage and an open heart and mind. Share your body sensations, thought, emotions about having the conversation. Speak in the I. Make sure you are both in a grounded, resourced place.

"I feel {tension in my chest, knot in stomach, butterflies in heart} I have a (fear of being rejected/uncertainty/being misunderstood}.

3.Be honest: Share your own thoughts and feelings. Speak in the I when possible. Take responsibility for your experience. Do not base how you want to feel/what you want on other people You can make a request of someone and be ready to accept any answer that comes up, When ----- happens, I experience ------ what I want to feel is ------My request is that-----------

4. Empathize with self and other. Do not take anything personally! Avoid making assumptions or judgments about the other person's experiences or preferences. Everyone is seeing life through their own filters/biases. Take responsibility for YOUR perspective, not anyone else's, allow them to take responsibility for themselves. " What I am hearing you say is........." repeat back or paraphrase what you heard and get confirmation of understanding.

5. Use clear language: Avoid ultimatum words like always, never.. Use words that are clear and unambiguous, speaking in metaphors, in general or vague causes confusion and misunderstanding. "I need a 10 min break. I will meet you back here in 10 min" instead of wandering off or leaving or only saying i need a break and walking off.

It's important to remember that everyone has feelings, desires for touch and intimacy, and a right to be in pleasure. By learning how to communicate your sexual needs, desires and boundaries, you can deepen your connections and experience more fulfilling relationships. By communicating clearly you build trust and intimacy with your partner.

If you're struggling to express yourself in sexuality and relationships or

understand your arousal, consider reaching out to me. I can help you navigate these complex issues. Don't let shame or societal norms hold you back from experiencing the full range of human emotions and pleasures.

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